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I talked with a close friend this morning who was feeling really down.
I told her about how when I was a little girl, I read a book about the bombings in Hiroshima. It affected me quite seriously. In the book there was a story about a little girl who was very sick from the radiation and wasn’t getting better.
She had heard a Japanese folk tale that if you made 1 million paper cranes you would be given a wish.
So she tireless made as many paper cranes as she could and nurses and visitors would make them with her.
Unfortunately she died before she succeeded, but her memory lives on in a memorial in Japan. A giant statue of a paper crane where you can add your cranes.
I was so touched by this story as a child, I started making paper cranes.
I wanted my own wish.
I stopped counting around 3,000.
There’s atleast 7 bags full of paper cranes at my mothers house made of different kinds of paper, different sizes.
I have about 600 in a bag in my apartment. (My cats like to sleep in it)
I started making them even more excessively when I was about 16-17 years old.
This is when I started therapy and stopped cutting myself.
I was still really sad, and would often still have urges to self mutilate. So I would make as many paper cranes as I could and would lose myself in the repetition, the symmetry, and making each one perfect every time.
It would always make me feel better, and the symbol of what it stood for was a reminder that even when faced with adversity to not give up.
I stopped counting a long time ago, if and when I reach a million. I think my wish will just happen.
I guess the moral of this story, is that you can take something that hurts you and make something beautiful out of your pain.
You should never stop trying, never stop building, drawing, writing, singing or anything no matter how impossible it seems.
The tattoo on my ankle is a drawing I did in high school. I use to have a huge medical fetish and thought nurses were super hot